Bar jokes and bartender jokes are funny. Here we have “walk into a bar jokes” and other fun things going on in and around a bar. How bout a bottomless mug of beer?
I’ve reached the age where my prescription bill has caught up to my bar bill.
Walk into a bar
A poor guy walks by past a pub. He looked at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walked on. Just then, he spotted a lamp lying in the gutter. He picked it up and rubbed it, and a Genie emerges.
«I will grant you three wishes» the genie says.
«Give me a bottomless mug of beer,» the guy says.
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.
«And for your other two wishes?»
Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, «Give me two more just like this one!»
A screwdriver rolls into a bar.
The bartender says, «Hey, we have a drink named after you!»
The screwdriver squeals, «You have a drink named Philip??»
A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He finished his beer, pull out his wallet, looked at a picture of his wife and order another beer.
A customer: «What’s the Wi-Fi password?»
Bartender: «You need to buy a drink first.»
The customer: «OK, I’ll have a Coke.»
Bartender: «Three dollars.»
The customer: «There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password?»
Bartender: «”You need to buy a drink first”. No spaces, all lowercase.»
Fishing for Whiskey
“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fishing in a puddle outside the pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, «So how many have you caught today?»
The old man replied, «You’re the eighth one.»
I was having a drink at a local restaurant with my friend John when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked, «Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?»
She responded by yelling at the top of her lungs, «No, I won’t come over to your place tonight!»
With everyone in the restaurant staring, John crept back to our table, puzzled and humiliated.
A few minutes later, the woman walked over to us and apologized.
«I’m sorry if I embarrassed you,» she said, «but I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying human reaction to embarrassing situations.»
At the top of his lungs John responded, «What do you mean, two hundred dollars?»
More Bar Jokes
One night my friend David and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him that she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.
They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to David. «Don’t look now,» I whispered, «but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he’s got a gun.»
Without hesitating, David turned to me. «Quick, Ed,» he said, «kiss me on the lips.»
Three vampires walk into a bar. «What can I get for you?» asked the bartender.
«Blood,» ordered the first vampire.
«Make it two,» said the second.
The bartender looked at the third. «What about you, buddy?»
«Plasma,» said the third one.
«Okay, replies the barman. «Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Two bloods and a blood light.»
We don’t serve…
The barman says, «We don’t serve time travelers in here.»
A time traveler walks into a bar.
A man walks into a bar and it’s empty – it’s just him and the bartender.
He sits down and orders a drink.
After a few seconds, he hears someone whisper, «Pssst… I like your tie.»
The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone.
«Pssst… that color looks nice on you.»
He asks the bartender, «Excuse me, but…are you speaking to me?»
The bartender rolls his eyes and says, «No, sorry about that. It’s the peanuts… they’re complimentary.»
A lot happends at bars.
Here er som more funny bar jokes for you.
Read the joke about a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
Also read about the blind man who visited Texas –> Everything is big in Texas