Pizza Jokes

Want to hear jokes about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
This and many more funny pizza jokes will you get “served” here.

What kind of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weirdough.

What is the best thing to put in a pizza?

Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.

What do Homer Simpson and pizza have in common?

What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
«You don’t pepper-own me.»
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
«Hey now, don’t get saucy.»

How does he know?

The police have had trouble determining whether or not their suspects are guilty of committing the crimes they were arrested for. After hearing word of a man able to determine if any person brought before him committed a crime, they decide to consult him.
They bring the first suspect in, and instantly the man says, «this person has committed murder. He murdered a pizza man delivering to his house.»
Speechless, the police start to think this man is the real deal. «He has to be telling the truth,» they believe. «We haven’t told him anything about the case.»
They bring another suspect in, and instantly the man says, «this man is innocent, and has committed no crimes. He was framed of burglary by his next door neighbor».
The police are dumbfounded. «How does he know? We haven’t told him anything about the case!»
The cops are a bit skeptical, and decide to make a little test. They bring in a beautiful woman they know to have not committed a felony.
An officer enters the room with her, and instantly the man says, «this woman has committed theft.» The officer, knowing this is a lie, tell the man, «We knew it! We brought her in to truly test your abilities, and clearly you are a fraud!» They dismiss the woman.
«I would catch up to her if I were you,» says the man.
«And for what reason?» Asks the officer.
«Because she stole your wallet.»

Why did the hipster burn his mouth while eating his pizza?
He ate it way before it was cool.

What did the pepperoni say to the cheese?
«Slice to meat you!»

What type of person doesn’t love pizza?
A weirdough.

What do you call a sleeping pizza?

The new CEO

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks «How much money do you make a week?»
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, «I make $ 200.00 a week. Why?»
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams «Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!»
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks «Anyone know what that slacker did here?»
With an uncontrollable grin, one of the other workers mutters «Pizza delivery guy».

Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.

What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other night
I should have put it on aloha temperature.

Why do restaurants put pizza in square boxes?
Because they don’t cut corners.

How do you get a man with a philosophy major off of your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

What does a pizza wear to smell good?

I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.

Chinese pizza

An American businessman goes to China on a business trip, but he hates Chinese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck; there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, «What the heck did you put on this pizza?» The delivery man bows deeply and says, «We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only».

Image to the chinese pizza joke

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today
Should’ve used aloha temperature

How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.

What does a pizza wear to smell good?

What did the pepperoni say to the cheese?
«Slice to meat you!»

Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!

The President’s Pizza

The US president (guess who…) ordered a pizza for delivery to the White House.
The Pizza guy, wanting to do an especially good job with the president’s pizza, asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
The president responded, «Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.»

What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby

The pizza-line

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of pizza slices. The nun posted a sign on the pizza tray, “Take only one. God is watching”.
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, «Take all you want. God is watching the pizza».

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