Here we have many jokes that are actually funny. These are some really good jokes and they are all mostly clean. Hope you enjoy 10 jokes that are actually funny.
Ticket to the Super Bowl
It’s Super Bowl, and a man makes his way to his seats in the premium seating section.
He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.
«No» says the neighbor.
«The seat is empty.»
«This is incredible» said the man.
«Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?»
The neighbor says, «Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.»
«This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t seen together since we got married, and we had already bought the tickets.»
«Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible…»
«But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?»
The man shakes his head.
«No» he says.
«They’re all at the funeral.»
One in a million
China has a population of over one billion people. One billion.
This means that even though you are “One in a million”-type of guy, there are still a thousand others just like you.
Back to work
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss annoyed: «You should have been here at 8am!»
The guy replies, «Why? What happened at 8am?»
The barber shop
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, «This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.»
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, «Which do you want, son?»
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
«What did I tell you?» said the barber. «That kid never learns!»
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
«Hey, son! May I ask you a question?»
«Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?»
The boy licked his cone and replied,
«Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!»
The wedding rehearsal
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.
«Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows.»
«When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to “love, honour and obey” and “forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,” I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.»
He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says: «Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?»
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, «Yes.»
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, «I thought we had a deal?»
The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, «She made me a better offer.»
The police and the man in a BMW
A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
«There’s no way they can catch a BMW,» he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
«It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th.
I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.»
The guy thinks for a second and says, «Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.»
«Have a nice weekend,» said the officer, and he walked away.
A woman takes her lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
She was unaware that her 9-year-old son sometimes hid in the closet in the bedroom.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts her lover in the closet where the boy was.
The little boy says, «It’s dark in here.»
The man says, «Yes it is.»
Boy: «I have a baseball.»
Man: «That’s nice.»
Boy: «Want to buy it?»
Man: «No, thanks.»
Boy: «My dad is outside.»
Man: «OK, How much?»
A week later, it happened again that the boy and the mom’s lover ended up in the closet again together.
Boy: «It’s dark in here.»
Man: «Yes it is.»
Boy: «I have a baseball glove.»
The lover remembering the last time and asks the boy, «How much?»
A few days later the father says to the boy, «Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and play catch with the baseball.»
The boy says, «I can’t, I sold them.»
The father asks, «How much did you sell them for?»
The father says, «That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than they cost. I’m taking you to church and your going to confess.»
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, «It’s dark in here.»
The priest says, «Don’t start that shit again.»
The perfect girl
Troy is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, «Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?»
Troy replied, «Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.»
His friend thinks for a moment and says, «I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who is just like your mother.»
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, «Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?»
With a frown on his face, Troy answers, «Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.»
The friend said, «Then what’s the problem?»
Troy replied, «My father doesn’t like her.»
The old geezer
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: «Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.»
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to earn some money.
He went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic and this is what happened.
Dr. Young: «Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?»
Dr. Geezer: «Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.»
Dr. Young: «Aaagh! This is Gasoline!»
Dr. Geezer: «Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.»
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: «I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.»
Dr. Geezer: «Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.»
Doctor Young: «Oh no you don’t, that’s Gasoline!»
Dr. Geezer: «Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.»
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: «My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!»
Dr. Geezer: «Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so. Here’s your $1000 back.»
Dr. Young: «But this is only $500…»
Dr. Geezer: «Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.»
Outwitting the devil
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when they crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
«Gentlemen,» the Devil started, «Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.
If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.»
The philosopher then stepped up, «OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ Socrates’ teachings.»
With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
«Then, go to Hell!»
With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, «Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!»
With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
«Then, go to Hell!»
With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, «Bring me a chair!»
The Devil brought forward a chair. «Drill 7 holes on the seat.»
The Devil did just that.
The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart.
Standing up, he asked, «Which hole did my fart come out from?»
The Devil inspected the seat and said, «The third hole from the right.»
«Wrong,» said the idiot, «it’s from my asshole.»
And the idiot went to heaven.
Hope you enjoyed some actually funny jokes.
Want to laugh some more? Then you have to read The world’s funniest jokes