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Birthday Jokes

Birthday Jokes image

Here we have som funny birthday jokes you can tell your kids, mom and dad.
In addition to a gift, why not tell some happy birthday jokes!
Here you’ll find some good jokes to tell.


Birthday Gift

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new car for weeks. He wanted a new truck, but she wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
«Look!» she said. «Just get me something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.»
So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Birthday Surprise

A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. What an ungrateful lot he thinks.
When he gets to work his attractive secretary asks him what’s wrong and he explains.
«Why don’t I take you out to lunch to cheer you up,» she says.
After a lovely lunch and a couple of glasses of champagne, she says «do you mind if we drop into my apartment on the way home?»
Interested, he replies, «Sure!»
At her apartment she smiles, fixes him a drink, and then says, «I just have to slip into the bedroom for a minute.»
In a moment she’s back with a birthday cake, his family and all his friends.
And there’s him lying naked on the couch

Wine

A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday.
After a few glasses the wife blurts out, «I love you».
The husband responds: «Is that you or the wine talking?»
Wife: «It’s me, I’m talking to the wine».

Annoyed Wife

Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed, shouts, «You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you.»
Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, «I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.»
«Not a problem,» he replies. «Just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.»
After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.
«Oh darling,» she replies, «what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in.»

Image to the Birthday Joke - I Scream Cake
What sort of birthday cake do ghosts prefer?
An “I scream” cake

Make A Wish

Man to wife, «Blow out your candles and make a wish».
The wife does but a look of disappointment crosses her face.
«What’s the matter,» he asks.
«My wish didn’t work.» she replies.
«How do you know already?» he enquires.
«You’re still here.»

Another Birthday Gift

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
«Oh, I don’t know», she said. «Just give me something with diamonds».
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

Unique Gift

Every year on my birthday, I looked forward to my aunt’s gift. A scarf, hat, or sweater knitted by hand. One year, she must have had better things to do because I received a ball of yarn, knitting needles, and a how-to-knit book. Her card read “Scarf – Some assembly required.”

Facebook Birthday

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!


Did you like these birthday jokes? If you want to read laugh some more, you really have to read these Dad Jokes and Jokes to tell your boyfriend.