Nurse Jokes

Here are some funny nurse jokes. Hope you like this kind of humor. Here we have some puns regarding both nurse and doctors. We also have a few one line nurse jokes for you to enjoy.

The packaging

A nurse was taking care for a man from Kentucky.
The nurse asked that man, «So, how was your breakfast this morning?»
«It was good, except for the Kentucky jelly. I can’t see to get used to the taste,» the patient replied.
The nurse asked to see the jelly and the man pointed at the side table.
«Oh yeah, it’s a foil packet labeled, KY jelly,» the nurse said.

I was a nurse…

Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the pearly Gates by St. Peter.
To the first he asked, «What did you do on earth and why should you go to heaven?»
«I was a nurse in an inner City Hospital and I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children.»
«Very noble, you may enter,» said St. Peter. And through the gates she entered.
To the next, St. Peter asked the same question. «So what did you do on earth?»
«I was a nurse at Missionary Hospital in Africa for many years. I worked with a crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to many people and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God’s love,» she replied.
«How touching, you too may enter,» said St. Peter. And she went in.
Then St. Peter came to the last nurse and asked, «So, what did you do on earth?»
After some hesitation, she explained, «I was just a nurse at an HMO.»
St. Peter pondered for a moment, and then said «Okay, you may enter also».
«Phew! For a moment I thought you were not going to let me in».
«Oh, you can come in, but you can only stay for three days…» said St. Peter.

Some short nurse jokes

A Patient to a nurse: «Will I be able to play guitar after this operation»?
Nurse: «Yes, of course».
Patient: «That’s great, because I could not before».

I went to a casualty yesterday and said to the nurse, «I have been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?»
She asked, «Whereabouts is it?»
I said, «I don’t know, it could be miles away by now.»

The doctor says to the blonde nurse, «Nurse did you take the patient’s temperature»?
The nurse replies, «No, is it missing?»

I had to take my son to the hospital after he swallowed ten quarters.
He was rushed to surgery.
After half an hour I saw a nurse and asked «how’s he?»
She said, «There’s no change yet».

How can you tell the head nurse in a hospital?
Answer: The one who got the dirtiest knees…

Image to the nurse joke abut drawing blood
Why do nurses bring red magic markers to work?
-In case they have to draw blood.

A skilled nurse

A skilled nurse died and went to heaven where she was met by St. Peter, who explained, «We have a policy of letting you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell.»
The nurse asked him, «But how do I know which to choose?»
«That’s easy,» said St. Peter, «You just spend a day in each place before deciding.»
With that, he put the nurse in an elevator and sent her down to hell.
When she reached the bottom the elevator doors opened and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her. She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times. That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant. She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy. Before she knew it, her day in hell was over and she returned to heaven.
The day in heaven was okay. She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp.
At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision.
«Well, heaven was okay,» the nurse said, «but to be honest I had a much better time in hell. So I know it sounds strange, but I choose hell.»
With that, she got in the elevator and went back down.
When she got to the bottom and the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks.
When the devil walked over, she said to him, «I don’t understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking.»
The devil smiled and said, «Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you’re staff.»

one line nurse jokes

  • A practical nurse is one who marries a rich, terminally ill patient.
  • Transplant nurses hate rejection.
  • When a hospital runs out of maternity nurses, do they have a mid-wife crisis?

Just relax

A nurse sees a guy wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital.
The nurse stops him and asks, «What’s wrong?»
«I have heard the nurse was saying, its very simple operation, don’t worry, I am sure it will be alright»
, the guy replied.
The nurse says, «Don’t worry; she was just trying to relax you. What’s so frightening about that?»
The anxious guy replies, «She was talking to the doctor!»

After reading these funny nurse jokes, maybe you want to read som Lawyer Jokes or some Birthday Jokes?

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