Here we have many jokes that are actually funny. These are some really good jokes and they are all mostly clean. Hope you enjoy 10 jokes that are actually funny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s Super Bowl, and a man makes his way to his seats in the premium seating section. China has a population of over one billion people. One billion. A guy shows up late for work. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, \u00abThis is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.\u00bb<\/em> During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. A woman takes her lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Troy is 32 years old and he is still single. An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when they crashed into a tree. Hope you enjoyed some actually funny jokes.
He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.
\u00abNo\u00bb<\/em> says the neighbor.
\u00abThe seat is empty.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abThis is incredible\u00bb<\/em> said the man.
\u00abWho in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl and not use it?\u00bb<\/em>
The neighbor says, \u00abWell, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abThis is the first Super Bowl we haven’t seen together since we got married, and we had already bought the tickets.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abOh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible\u2026\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abBut couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?\u00bb<\/em>
The man shakes his head.
\u00abNo\u00bb<\/em> he says.
\u00abThey’re all at the funeral.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nOne in a million<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
This means that even though you are “One in a million”-type of guy, there are still a thousand others just like you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nBack to work<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The boss annoyed: \u00abYou should have been here at 8am!\u00bb<\/em>
The guy replies, \u00abWhy? What happened at 8am?\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe barber shop<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, \u00abWhich do you want, son?\u00bb<\/em>
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
\u00abWhat did I tell you?\u00bb<\/em> said the barber. \u00abThat kid never learns!\u00bb<\/em>
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
\u00abHey, son! May I ask you a question?\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abWhy did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?\u00bb<\/em>
The boy licked his cone and replied,
\u00abBecause the day I take the dollar, the game is over!\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe wedding rehearsal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u00abLook, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abWhen you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to “love, honour and obey” and “forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,” I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.\u00bb<\/em>
He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.
When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says: \u00abWill you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?\u00bb<\/em>
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, \u00abYes.\u00bb<\/em>
The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, \u00abI thought we had a deal?\u00bb<\/em>
The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, \u00abShe made me a better offer.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe police and the man in a BMW<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
\u00abThere\u2019s no way they can catch a BMW,\u00bb<\/em> he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn\u2019t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
\u00abIt\u2019s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it\u2019s Friday the 13th.
I don\u2019t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven\u2019t heard before, you can go.\u00bb<\/em>
The guy thinks for a second and says, \u00abLast week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abHave a nice weekend,\u00bb<\/em> said the officer, and he walked away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe closet<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
She was unaware that her 9-year-old son sometimes hid in the closet in the bedroom.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts her lover in the closet where the boy was.
The little boy says, \u00abIt’s dark in here.\u00bb<\/em>
The man says, \u00abYes it is.\u00bb<\/em>
Boy: \u00abI have a baseball.\u00bb<\/em>
Man: \u00abThat’s nice.\u00bb<\/em>
Boy: \u00abWant to buy it?\u00bb<\/em>
Man: \u00abNo, thanks.\u00bb<\/em>
Boy: \u00abMy dad is outside.\u00bb<\/em>
Man: \u00abOK, How much?\u00bb<\/em>
Boy: \u00ab$100.\u00bb<\/em>
A week later, it happened again that the boy and the mom’s lover ended up in the closet again together.
Boy: \u00abIt’s dark in here.\u00bb<\/em>
Man: \u00abYes it is.\u00bb<\/em>
Boy: \u00abI have a baseball glove.\u00bb<\/em>
The lover remembering the last time and asks the boy, \u00abHow much?\u00bb<\/em>
Boy: \u00ab$1000.\u00bb<\/em>
Man: \u00abFine.\u00bb<\/em>
A few days later the father says to the boy, \u00abGrab your glove. Let’s go outside and play catch with the baseball.\u00bb<\/em>
The boy says, \u00abI can’t, I sold them.\u00bb<\/em>
The father asks, \u00abHow much did you sell them for?\u00bb<\/em>
Boy: \u00ab$1100.\u00bb<\/em>
The father says, \u00abThat’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than they cost. I’m taking you to church and your going to confess.\u00bb<\/em>
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, \u00abIt’s dark in here.\u00bb<\/em>
The priest says, \u00abDon’t start that shit again.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe perfect girl<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
One day a friend asked, \u00abWhy aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?\u00bb<\/em>
Troy replied, \u00abActually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.\u00bb<\/em>
His friend thinks for a moment and says, \u00abI’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who is just like your mother.\u00bb<\/em>
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, \u00abDid you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?\u00bb<\/em>
With a frown on his face, Troy answers, \u00abYes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.\u00bb<\/em>
The friend said, \u00abThen what’s the problem?\u00bb<\/em>
Troy replied, \u00abMy father doesn’t like her.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe old geezer<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
He put a sign up outside that said: \u00abGet your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.\u00bb<\/em>
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to earn some money.
He went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic and this is what happened.
Dr. Young: \u00abDr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Geezer: \u00abNurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Young: \u00abAaagh! This is Gasoline!\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Geezer: \u00abCongratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: \u00abI have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Geezer: \u00abNurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.\u00bb<\/em>
Doctor Young: \u00abOh no you don’t, that’s Gasoline!\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Geezer: \u00abCongratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: \u00abMy eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Geezer: \u00abWell, I don’t have any medicine for that so. Here’s your $1000 back.\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Young: \u00abBut this is only $500\u2026\u00bb<\/em>
Dr. Geezer: \u00abCongratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nOutwitting the devil<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
\u00abGentlemen,\u00bb<\/em> the Devil started, \u00abDue to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.
If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.\u00bb<\/em>
The philosopher then stepped up, \u00abOK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ Socrates’ teachings.\u00bb<\/em>
With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
\u00abThen, go to Hell!\u00bb<\/em>
With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, \u00abGive me the most complicated formula ever theorized!\u00bb<\/em>
With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
\u00abThen, go to Hell!\u00bb<\/em>
With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, \u00abBring me a chair!\u00bb<\/em>
The Devil brought forward a chair. \u00abDrill 7 holes on the seat.\u00bb<\/em>
The Devil did just that.
The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart.
Standing up, he asked, \u00abWhich hole did my fart come out from?\u00bb<\/em>
The Devil inspected the seat and said, \u00abThe third hole from the right.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abWrong,\u00bb<\/em> said the idiot, \u00abit’s from my asshole.\u00bb<\/em>
And the idiot went to heaven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Want to laugh some more? Then you have to read The world\u2019s funniest jokes<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"