{"id":1299,"date":"2020-05-04T11:00:03","date_gmt":"2020-05-04T11:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/?p=1299"},"modified":"2020-11-16T09:22:15","modified_gmt":"2020-11-16T09:22:15","slug":"escaped-from-prison","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/jokes\/dirty-jokes\/escaped-from-prison\/","title":{"rendered":"Escaped from prison"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>A man escaped from prison where he had been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.<br>He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.<br>While he&#8217;s in there, the husband tells his wife:<br><em>\u00abListen, this guy&#8217;s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn&#8217;t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. Whatever he wants, don&#8217;t resist, don&#8217;t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he&#8217;ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.\u00bb<\/em><br>To which his wife responds: <em>\u00abHe wasn&#8217;t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he likes men, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\">Don&#8217;t forget to read the joke about <a href=\"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/jokes\/adult-jokes\/las-vegas-street-girl\/\">Las Vegas street girl.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A man escaped from prison where he had been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for &#8230; <a title=\"Escaped from prison\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/jokes\/dirty-jokes\/escaped-from-prison\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Escaped from prison\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1305,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[82],"tags":[109],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1299"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1299"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1299\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1305"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}