Here vi have some funny one line jokes. Some are just jokes and some are some funny quotes from other people. Anyway; enjoy these great one line jokes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time consuming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is worse than ants in your pants?
-Uncles<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I failed math so many times at school, I can\u2019t even count.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have 3 kids and no money, why I can\u2019t I have no kids and 3 money.<\/p>Homer Simpson<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn\u2019t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think its wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.<\/p>Steven Wright<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it\u2019s still on the list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I agreed with you, we\u2019d both be wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.<\/p>Demetri Martin<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn\u2019t find any.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last night I played Poker with Tarot cards\u2026 Got a full house and 4 people died.<\/p>Steven Wright<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My father is Schizophrenia, but he\u2019s good people.<\/p>Stewart Francis<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Does my wife think, I am a control freak? I have not decided yet.<\/p>Stewart Francis<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they\u2019ll want to use it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked up my family tree, and found out I was the sap.<\/p>Rodney Dangerfield<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t have a bear gut. I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s not that I am afraid to die, I just don\u2019t want to be there when it happens.<\/p>Woody Allen<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am on a Whisky diet\u2026. I have lost three days already.<\/p>Tommy Cooper<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
A clear conscience is usually the sign of bad memory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My first experience with culture shock? Probably when I peed on an electric fence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is no such thing as addiction; there is an only thing that you enjoy more than doing life.<\/p>Doug Stanhope<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won\u2019t expect it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had to stop drinking, because I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.<\/p>Richard Pryor<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Knowledge is power and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Women should not have children after 35. Really, 35 children are enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it is hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.<\/p>Larry David<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. You will have trouble putting on your pants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nHope these were some of the best one line jokes ever, that you have heard.
Have you read these Chuck Norris Jokes<\/a> or these Army Jokes<\/a>?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"