Here we have collected some new years jokes. These are some funny jokes for new years eve. Enjoy jokes about the Wife, Gifts, Love and New Year’s Eve Resolutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On New Year’s Eve, Roger was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. \u00abWhat are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?\u00bb<\/em> asked the police officer. Emma was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to William, her husband, \u00abI just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?\u00bb<\/em> John, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, David, and asks for a cigarette. An ant and an elephant got married on the new year\u2019s eve in a church. The elephant was very happy due to which he drank a lot for the first time in his life. He fall ill and died.. A Spanish girl goes back to her father\u2019s farmhouse for New Year\u2019s Eve. My new year’s resolution was to finally lose 50 pounds. For a kick start of my New Year: Have you read these jokes?
\u00abI’m on my way to a lecture,\u00bb<\/em> answered Roger.
\u00abAnd who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?\u00bb<\/em> enquired the constable sarcastically.
\u00abMy wife,\u00bb<\/em> slurred Roger grimly.<\/p>\n\n\n\nNew Year’s Gift<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u00abAha, you’ll know tonight,\u00bb<\/em> answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, William approached Emma and handed her a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: “The meaning of dreams”.<\/p>\n\n\n\nNew Year’s resolution<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u00abI thought you made a New Year’s resolution and that you don\u2019t smoke,\u00bb<\/em> said David.
\u00abI’m in the process of quitting,\u00bb<\/em> replies John with a grin. \u00abI am in the middle of phase one.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abPhase one?\u00bb<\/em> asks David.
\u00abYeah,\u00bb<\/em> laughs John, \u00abI’ve quit buying.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nAh! Love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Ant said \u00abAh! Love\u00bb<\/em>
I was loved just for one night and now my whole life will be spent upon digging his grave.<\/p>\n\n\n\nFamily Love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Her father asked: \u00abWhere have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn\u2019t you call?\u00bb<\/em>
Crying, the girl replied: \u00abDad, I became a prostitute.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abWhat? Out of here you shameless harlot! You\u2019re a disgrace to this family.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abOkay, Dad. If that\u2019s your wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $4 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex and for you Dad, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that\u2019s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years\u2019 Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abNow what was it you said you had become, again?\u00bb<\/em> asked the dad.
The girl, crying again, answered: \u00abA prostitute, Dad!\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abOh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nNew Year’s Eve Resolutions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
It’s going alright! 3 weeks in and I’ve only got 55 left to lose.<\/p>\n\n\n\nNegative Start<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I give an IQ test and the results were negative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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???? Pizza Jokes<\/a>
???? Christmas Jokes<\/a>
???? Weight loss by running<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"