The first thing he sees is single rose on the side table and note from his wife.
\u00abDear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!!\u00bb<\/em>
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there\u2019s breakfast.
\u00abJoe, he says to his son, what happened last night?\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abYou came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abSo, why the rose, breakfast and sweet note from your mother?\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abOh that. Mom dragged you upstairs to the bed, and when she tried to take off your cloths, you screamed, leave me alone, I am married.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don’t mess with the wife<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the police station. A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband\u2019s complaint that he leads a dog\u2019s life is probably well founded. A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested, \u00abI am looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?\u00bb<\/em> A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife’s hearing. A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, \u00abHow many people here make love once a day?\u00bb<\/em> Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. A husband and wife had been married for 60 years and had no secrets except for one: The woman kept in her closet a shoe box that she forbade her husband from ever opening. But when she was on her deathbed, and with her blessing, he opened the box and found a crocheted doll and $95,000 in cash. Have you read these funny jokes?
\u00abI have an interesting case here,\u00bb<\/em> he says.
\u00abA woman shot his husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped\u00bb.<\/em>
\u00abHave you arrested her?\u00bb<\/em> Asks the sergeant.
\u00abNo, not yet. The floor is still wet.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nThe relatives<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, \u00abRelatives of yours?\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abYep,\u00bb<\/em> the wife replied, \u00abin laws\u00bb.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nThe promise<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The letter wrote: \u00abIf you don\u2019t promise to send $100,000 , we promise that we will kidnap your wife.\u00bb<\/em>
The poor man wrote back,
\u00abI am afraid I can\u2019t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"Marriage](\"https:\/\/jokes-and-riddles.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/Marriage-Joke-Marriage-is-like-deleting-all-the-apps-on-your-phone-except-one-1024x576.webp)
<\/picture>A dog\u2019s life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u00abHe comes in the house with muddy feet,<\/em>\u00bb she said, \u00abtracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nWhat a woman needs…<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The marriage officer said, \u00abyou\u2019re requirements please.\u00bb<\/em>
\u00abWell, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, and good at singing and dancing. Willing accompany me whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don\u2019t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest\u00bb.<\/em>
The officer listened carefully and replied, \u00abI understand. You need a television.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nWhat’s for dinner?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The doctor says, \u00abStand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you\u00bb<\/em>.
The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, \u00abHoney, what’s for dinner?\u00bb<\/em> Nothing.
He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing.
Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again \u00abWhat’s for dinner?\u00bb<\/em>
She turns around and says \u00abFor the THIRD time, beef stew!\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nHow often should you make love?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u00abOnce a week?\u00bb<\/em> A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant.
\u00abOnce a month?\u00bb<\/em> A few hands tepidly go up.
Then he asks, \u00abOK, how about once a year?\u00bb<\/em>
One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands.
The therapist is shocked, this disproves his theory.
\u00abIf you make love only once a year,\u00bb he asks, \u00abwhy are you so happy?\u00bb<\/em>
The man yells, \u00abToday\u2019s the day!\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nThe secret to a happy marriage<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\u00abMy mother told me that the secret to a happy marriage was to never argue,<\/em>\u00bb she explained. \u00abInstead, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.\u00bb<\/em>
Her husband was touched. Only one doll was in the box, that meant she\u2019d been angry with him only once in 60 years.
\u00abBut what about all this money?\u00bb<\/em> he asked.
\u00abOh,\u00bb<\/em> she said, \u00abthat\u2019s the money I made from selling the dolls.\u00bb<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
???? Psychology Jokes<\/a>
???? The guy in the caf\u00e9<\/a>
???? Weight loss by running<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"