Psychology Jokes

Psychology jokes reading jokes about psychologists is therapeutic. Here is a collection of some funny jokes that will blow your mind.

Psychology School

Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.
«what the usual tip?» asked a customer.
«Well», said Johnny. «This is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I had been doing great.»
«Is that so?» growled the customer. «In that case, here is twenty dollars.»
«Thanks. I will put it in my college fund,» Johnny replied.
«By the way, what are you studying?» asked the customer.
«Applied Psychology.»

The best psychologist

A good psychologist once advised me to shut out all the negative people that remind me of my dark past and move on…
It’s been more than a month since I have gone to him and I am already started feeling better.

The Dream

«Tell me what you are upset about,» says the psychologist.
«It’s my dreams, Doctor. One night I will dream I am a tepee, and then the next night I will dream I am a wigwam. The next night I am tepee again, and then I am a wigwam the next! What does it mean?!»
« Don’t worry, I know what’s wrong,» replied the psychologist. «You are two tents.»

The hallucination

My wife and I went to see a psychologist. She told the doctor about our son hallucinations. He sees imaginary people all the time.
The doctor prescribed her pills and pulled me into a corner. «Divorce her through my wifes firm, and I will count todays session free» were the words that came out of his mouth, explaining that she was hallucinating that we had a son.
If only I was married……

The millionaire’s problem

A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist…
So, the multimillionaire is laying there on the couch, and he says, «I have this problem where I buy things. Big things or little things. It does not matter whether or not I need it. It is the thrill of the purchase. In fact, yesterday I pulled out my wallet and I bought an entire mall.»
So the psychologist thinks for a little while, and finally says, «Then its sounds like you have a shopping complex».

Someone needs help

A man is walking along the street when he is brutally beaten and robbed. He is unconscious and bleeding. While he was laying there, a police officer passed by, but crosses to the other side of road, without trying to help.
A Boy Scout troop does the same. As do several pedestrians.
Finally, a psychologist walks by, and runs up to the man. He bends down and says, «My God! Whoever did this need help.»

We end with this short psychology Joke

I told my psychologist I am thinking about killing myself.
He said, « How can I help?»

You may be interested in reading some jokes about nurses or maybe som Lawyer jokes?

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