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Dad Jokes

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Dad jokes are the best. We have a lot of funny dad jokes. Here you’ll find the best jokes for all the dads out here. Here you will find jokes whether it is for a birthday, fathers day or for Christmas. We have the best bad dad jokes.


What is a Dad Joke?

Wikipedia says that a dad joke is a short joke, typically a pun, presented as a one-liner or a question and answer, but not a narrative.
Generally inoffensive, dad jokes are stereotypically told by fathers among family, either with sincere humorous intent, or to intentionally provoke a negative reaction to its overly-simplistic humor.
Many dad jokes may be considered anti-jokes, deriving humor from an intentionally unfunny punchline.
An example dad jokes goes as follows: A child will say to the father, «I’m hungry,» to which the father will reply, «Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad.»

We have a lot of dad jokes in many categories. Although dad jokes are normally a one-liner joke, we have a few that are a bit longer. – Because all the fathers out there deserve it.


Dad Jokes #2: My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

A slice of pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

The 10 best dad jokes

My daughter yelled at me, “Dad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” What a strange way to start a conversation with me…

KID: «Hey, I was thinking…»
DAD: «I thought I smelled something burning.»

«I’ll call you later!»
«Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!»

Today, my son asked «Can I have a book mark?» and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

CASHIER: «Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?»
DAD: «No, just leave it in the carton!»

Dad Jokes #4: I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

MOM: «How do I look?»
DAD: «With your eyes.»

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

NURSE: «Blood type?»
DAD: «Red.»

I told my 14 year old son I thought ‘Fortnite’ was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.

Funny dad jokes

I ordered both a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.
«Yes,» he said. «My father taught me.»
«Good. What comes after three?»
«Four,» answered the boy.
«What comes after six?»
«Seven.»
«Very good,» said the teacher. «Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?»
«Jack.»

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent!

My dad told me it was time to hit the sack, so I kicked him in the balls.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really pissed off.

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

Dad jokes for christmas

Last christmas I worked as a lumberjack. I know that I cut exactly 417 christmas trees. I know because every time I cut one, I kept a log.

What’s the best Christmas present?
– A broken drum – you just can’t beat it.

A couple is walking through St. Petersburg Square in Russia on Christmas Eve when they start to feel something wet fall upon their faces.
«I think it’s raining,» says the husband.
«No, it’s snowing,» replies the wife.
«How about we ask this Communist officer here? He’s always right!» the husband insists.
«Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?»
«Definitely raining,» Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile, «See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.»

What do snowmen like to do at the weekend?
– Just chill out.

Why does Snoop Dog love giving gifts? He’s really good at wrapping!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!

Which body part do you only see at Christmas? The Mistle-toe.

Dad jokes for kids

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

The secret service isn’t allowed to yell «Get down!» anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell «Donald, duck!»

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

“I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!”

Dad Jokes #3: 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.

Bad dad jokes

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Don’t wok away from me.

3 unwritten rules of life…
1.
2.
3.

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

Two dads are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.


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