Now it’s time for some Engineering jokes. We collected some of the best ones. Hope you enjoy some technologist jokes.
An engineer is a person who uses scientific knowledge to solve practical problems. We can have many jokes about these masterminds.
3 men hunting
An engineer, a statistician and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 50 feet short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineering pad and books of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he is ready. He takes aim and he fires. The bullet lands 50 feet passed the deer.
The statistician triumphantly leaps in the air shouting, «we got it».
An engineer at a job interview
Reaching the end of a job interview, the HR manger asked the young engineer fresh out of university: «What starting salary were you looking for?»
The engineer said: «In the neighborhood of $ 100,000 a year, depending on the benefits of package».
The HR manager said: «Well, what would you say to a package of 200,000$ a year, 5 weeks of vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a Mercedes?»
The engineer sat up straight and said: «wow!!! Are you joking?»
And the HR manager said: «Of course…. but you started it».
How much is in the glass?
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
An engineer’s problem
An engineer walks into a bar and says, «Give me a beer before the problem starts!»
The bartender senses pain but obliges.
The engineer drinks the beer and then orders another, «Give me a beer before the problem starts!»
The bartender gives him another beer, but is visibly concerned for the engineer.
After the 6th beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the Engineer, «Hey, when are you going to pay for these beers?»
The engineer answers, «See! Now the problem starts!»
The sensible choice
Two engineer students were walking across a university campus when one said, where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied, well I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off her clothes and said: «take what you want.»
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said. «Good choice; the clothes would most likely not fit you anyway.»
The definition of an engineer
What is the definition of an engineer?
Answer: Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had, in a way you don’t understand.
What is most complicated?
If someone says nothing can be more complicated than love…
Throw your engineering books in their face.
The guards allow it
An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine.
They bring out the priest first, and he says «Please. Allow me to lie in the guillotine facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.»
The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot.
The guard pulls the lever and the blade comes down but stops just inches short of the priest’s head. It’s regarded as such a freak occurrence that the priest is pardoned and set free.
Next up is the thief.
«Heck, it worked for the priest. Put me in face up too,» he says.
Again the guards allow it, and again they pull the lever.
The blade comes falling down, but again stops just short of the thief’s neck. Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune.
Finally the engineer is brought out.
«If you don’t mind, could you also put me facing up?» he asks.
The guards agree and place him in the machine.
The guard grabs a hold of the lever, but just before he pull, the engineer points up and says: «Wait… I think I see where the problem is.»