Funny Dark Humor Jokes

Here we have collected the funniest and darkest humor we could find. These are the best dark humor jokes that would make you laugh.

Dark humor jokes

Dark humor jokes are a form of humor or joke-making, usually offensive or morbid, but still funny (for some people). Not everyone likes those jokes, but then keep moving to other pages. It helps if you have a twisted sense in order to find it truly funny since most of the jokes are so horrible that it makes it funny.

Woman: Omg, that was an awful accident last week. I can only imagine what was going through those kids’ heads in the last moments of their lives…
Man: …probably the windshield
Woman: OMG!! That’s a terrible thing to say! Can YOU even think of what their parents are going through?!?
Man: Probably coffin brochures
Woman: You’re sick…
Man: It’s a very dark humor joke. It’s like food in Africa. Not everybody gets it.

Really dark jokes

These jokes are some really dark jokes that are morbid and maybe a little sarcastic or tasteless.

Give a man a plane ticket, and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

My son, who’s into astronomy, asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose, son,” I told him.

“Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” the patient asked. “To the morgue,” the doctor replied. “What?” The patient panicked. “But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet,” the doctor said.

Best Dark Humor Jokes

My grief counselor died. He was so good; I didn’t even care.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

I just read that someone in the U.S. gets stabbed every 30 seconds. Poor guy.

Very dark humor jokes

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion but we didn’t know his blood type. He just kept saying «b positive b positive», but it was hard to be positive since he was dying.

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

It turns out that a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

Here We have A couple long dark humor jokes. Enjoy.

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, «Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?»
She replies, «Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers».
The cop asks, «So what did you do about it?»
The old lady says, «I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!»
«That seems fair enough,» the cop says, «so what’s in the other sack?»
The old lady replies with, «Not everyone pays…»

3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it.
The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame.
The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, «The gun wasn’t loaded so I had to strangle her.»

And some short dark humor jokes

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Zoo.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

My parents raised me as an only child which really pissed off my brother.

My boss said to me, «you’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?»
I said, «I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.»

«Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?» the patient asked.
«To the morgue,» the doctor replied.
«What?» The patient panicked. «But I’m not dead yet!»
«And we’re not there yet,» the doctor said.

I’m in for a prostate examination. I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Dark humor Quotes

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

Jimmy Carr

People say that Steve Jobs died too soon. But I think it was a fitting metaphor for his company’s attitude to battery life.

Frankie Boyle

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Steven Wright

Let’s end these dark humor jokes with the darkest of them all. Read (and maybe smile) at your own risk.

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.

Remember; Dark humor is like the health care in the US. Not everyone gets it.

Have you tried this riddle –> Riddle me this Batman
Maybe you want some more jokes? Read these dad jokes or the joke about he who got punched in the face at church.

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